Friendship Gained and Lost

I just read an interesting and yet sad post, I won't devulge the persons name. But I recognized myself in her words.
My life is similar to hers. Or should I say was.
I am fifty five yrs old. I've had an interesting and diverse life. I've traveled the world thanks to Uncle Sam. Upon my return recently. I was greeted by my family with whom I haven't seen in over twenty years. While it was a joyous return it was not what I had hoped for. In the ensuing months there after. I discovered my family resembled Shakespeares Macbeth intrigue, betrayal eccetra. Folks I could not make this up. I wanted to reconnect with a woman with who I'd was I thought in love with since 7th grade. I found out where she lived and first telephoned her to my stunned shock her sister seeemed more glad to hear from me than she. In fact the woman didn't bother to take the call giving some half ass excuse she was putting her neice to sleep. Though her sister did her best to get her to take the call. She never did and I never called back. I know when someone doesn't want to be bothered. But to be as inconsiderate as that made me take a good look back at our friendship, I unfortunately came to the conclusion I was delusional. But then I did something unususal e-mailed this woman, A stranger I'd seen a magazine who resembled my enfactuation. I explained everrything , not expecting to hear from her. But a month later, I was shocked to recieve an e-mail from her stating how affected she was by my letter. So much so we struck up a friendship. In fact we telephoned every day 2-3 times. She grew on me . But in December I suffered what can only be described as a freak of nature illness. Which to this day nobody has been able to explain. I won't bore you with details but I did something that really didn't help our friendship and much to my sorow. Let's just say I hurt her not physically but with words. I was very abusive to her and now she no longer wishes to hear from me. As I sit here and pour my soul out. I will say this I do not deserve a second chance. I have pleaded begged and yes humiliated myself. I've come to realize that I may have pushed away my soul mate. I miss her very much!!! Men if you have some one special be careful what you say,sometimes it can be far worse than anything you can ever do.